


Little Boy Blue

by cherryblossomtrees



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-01 00:32:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17234072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryblossomtrees/pseuds/cherryblossomtrees
Summary: Lance is the blue paladin of Voltron. He's known as the flirt and the funny one.  He's the guy that's always happy, and he goofs off too much...He's just a boy from Cuba.But there’s more to his story than what meets the eyes. The paladins learn that they don’t know as much about the boy in blue as they think they do.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged possible triggers. If this will trigger you, or you think it might, don't read. I will put warnings before each chapter as well.

### Prologue 

Since their arrival in space, the paladins have begun to notice something... odd about their blue Paladin. 

At first, they would describe him as the type of person who was always happy, quick to make jokes and flirt with others, no matter the situation. Anyone and everyone who had met Lance knew he was a flirt. They have watched him flaunt his body at suitors, standing close only to pull away and tease. They've watched the cat and mouse routine time and time again. 

It was natural to assume that he wasn’t a virgin and that he wasn't the type to shy away from sex.

In addition, some members of the Voltron squad knew about Lance's adventures during their shared school days. 

Hunk would stay up late, waiting for the safe return of his garrison issued roommate. He couldn't go to sleep until Lance would slink into the shared room, covered in hickeys and smelling of sex. Lance’s smirk would be plastered onto his face as he strutted into the room, keeping his mystery partner a secret from everyone, including Hunk.

Pidge usually kept her face tucked into a computer or a stolen file, trying to find some answer as to where her family was, but all the time spent creeping around and being secretive allowed her to pick up on all the school gossip. She heard the rumors about the Cuban boy with a secret boyfriend, the boy who despite being in a relationship, still managed to sleep around with other cadets. She didn't know who he was at first, nor did she care, but she connected the dots when they were partnered together for flight training. 

Upon entering space and spending months with each other, the paladins assumed that they had a pretty good idea of who they were spending their time with inside the confined walls of the castle. They assumed that the knew Lance. The paladin would share personal stories from his childhood, whether it was related to the topic at hand or not. They thought they understood the boy in blue.

So when seemingly small details are revealed and words in passing start to add up to a picture that isn’t very pretty, the paladins aren’t sure they know their fellow teammate at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all feedback is welcome! This is my first work so advice is appreciated.


	2. I feel my nightmares watching me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has a rough day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to everyone who feels like these notes are spoilers, but I want every reader to feel comfortable or to not read it if they shouldn't, so skip this if you don't want the warnings. Panic Attacks, nightmares, poor coping mechanisms, referenced abuse.

_The school's hallway is empty, I don't know why I'm here but something doesn't look right. The buzzing of electricity from the school's lights fill my ears. It's too loud for it to be coming from the one light that's on, even if it is directly over me. I find myself walking towards the door at the end of the hall. The EXIT sign in bright red draws me in. There's something wrong here. I just want to leave. Suddenly, the door is gone, only concrete remains in its place. The EXIT sign glows brighter, it's too bright. I squint my eyes, my hand instinctively rising to block the light. I open my eyes after a moment, the hall is coated in red light. I look towards the other side of the hallway, it's completely blacked out. I look back towards the exit sign. There's something there._

_I feel the air escape my lungs. I'm not alone._

_I find myself running away into the darkness of the hallway. My feet slap against the linoleum, the sound echos. I can hear them._

_My lungs aren't filling with enough air. Each breath is smaller than the last._

_I keep running._

_I can feel him getting closer, the tips of his fingers brush against my shirt._

_I need to get away._

_I'm getting closer to the black abyss at the end of the hallway. If I can just get away, find somewhere to hide or a place to escape..._

_I push myself faster, and I feel him fall behind._

_Despite everything in me, screaming for me to not, I feel something pull my head to look back. I turn around and he's gone. I haven't moved._

_A chill runs down my spine, I slowly spin around, my breath hitches in my throat._

_The whites of his teeth glow in the darkness._

_He's right behind me_

_I can't escape._

————————

Lance wakes up in a cold sweat. His hands are clenched to the point that his knuckles have turned a ghostly shade of white, and his lungs are struggling to bring in air. 

_"I’m not there anymore. I’m in space. He’s not with me. I am a member of Voltron and I have people who will protect me."_

He takes deep, slow breaths, letting the sound fill the quiet room and relax him. It isn't quite working.

His body is still shaking as he finds some semblance of relief. His breathing is far heavier than it should be, but he can acknowledge the fact that it is as good as he's going to get for right now. He pulls himself out of bed, legs shaking slightly as they make contact with the cold castle floor. He knows sleep is too far from his reach, so he leaves his room. His walk is slow, he pays attention to the shadows along the wall and the soft blue light that tints the halls. His feet take him to the training room, and he feels a small spark of joy at the fact that the lights are off. Which makes sense considering that it’s not too far past what would be midnight on Earth.

Although, with everything the team has gone through, it seems like at least one of the paladins can't sleep each night. Sometimes Shiro or Keith will be up and training because they couldn’t sleep, when both are awake they train together. Pidge and Hunk prefer other activities when they have trouble sleeping. On nights someone is using the training room and Lance can't sleep, He brings himself to the hanger to talk to Blue. She understands him as much as a sentient lion can. On those nights, he talks about his life on Earth, what his family was like, but sometimes she'll show him the other paladins and what Voltron was like before Zarkon went bad. But Lance doesn't want to talk tonight. He wants to punch and kick. He wants to shoot until his hands are cramping. He wants to battle with a gladiator until he's sore and bruising. To relax his mind, he needs to physically tire himself out. And that's exactly what he will do. 

“Begin training sequence level 1” he calls out into the empty room, knowing that the Altean technology will begin the shortly after the command, his legs brace for the Gladiators to drop.

A few hours must pass before the training room door open, Lance calls for the training sequence to end and clears the log, not bothering with looking at his stats.

He feels sore, his body shakes, but it's not from fear anymore. With adrenaline coursing through his veins, body covered in sweat, his mind is no longer focused on the nightmare. He pants slightly, exhaustion beginning to set in. He must've been here for a while. 

“Hey Lance, you didn’t have to end your training session. I don't mind coming back later or working in a different part of the room.” Shiro’s voice breaks through the silence that Lance has been surrounded in.

“No, it’s fine. I just couldn’t sleep. Besides, I've been training for a while anyway,” He wipes his face with a clean towel he found on the bench, he lays is around his neck, grabbing a water pouch and taking small sips.

“Nightmares?” Shiro asks, moving to sit on the bench next to Lance.

“Yeah. I'm not worried though. Sometimes I feel homesick, Or I worry about my family. I usually talk to Hunk if it's really affecting me.” Lance gets homesick, that's true. He also worries about his family. But that isn't what plagues his mind at night. He knows that he should talk to someone before he breaks down. But he can't. He feels weak, and it doesn't help that he's the weakest one on the team. He feels bad for lying to Shiro, he hates how easy it is. But it's his only option. He doesn't want people asking questions. It'll just be worse. 

“Yeah, I get what you mean. If you ever want to talk to me about it, or about anything, you know where to find me.” He gives Lance the Signature Shiro Shoulder Grab and smiles.

“Thanks, Shiro. I know I can. I think I’m just gonna run a few cool down laps around the castle and head for the showers. I’ll see you at breakfast,” Lance gives him a parting wave before exiting the room, barely listening to him call out his own goodbye. Lance doesn't like the way he trains on his own, especially if he's just had a nightmare. It's desperate and aggressive. He panics and doesn't mind getting hit or taking unnecessary risks. It's ugly and it's the type of fighting that he gets lectured about when it slips out on missions. It's another part of Lance that he will keep to himself. It isn't something to be proud over, even if he makes it farther in the training level when he fights that way, it's just pathetic. He's pathetic.

The laps around the castle don’t take long, and it's able to bring him back down from the mood he was putting himself in. The shower is short, skipping part of his routine, and he makes it to breakfast a little early. 

He takes a seat next to Hunk because today is definitely a day he needs the comfort of his oldest friend. The bowl of space goo is as appetizing as it always it, which isn't appetizing at all, but he still manages to stomach it down.

“Today will be used as a day to recuperate after our last mission unless something urgent arises. I would like to encourage you all to get some training in, but I will not be requiring you to do so” Allura announces to the table once they all get settled in. 

Deep down, he wants something to happen, he wants to do something. The distraction from the Garrison and the dream that keeps happening isn't just something he's hoping for, it's something he needs. Something he's craving. Training too much won't help, so he's at a loss on what he should do. He feels a pit building in his stomach, a knot is forming in his throat. He's too tense to finish eating, the room is quiet. The sounds of spoons scraping bowls are the only sounds that fill the space, and it's not distracting enough. Each scratch is making him tense. His heart is beating faster. His chest feels funny and his thoughts start to stray into unwanted territory.

The bruises that use to mare his body for as long as he could remember sticks out in his mind. He feels that dirty feeling, that to this day, makes his skin itch. The lates night where he was left sneaking into his dorm during the early morning. The evil grin seems like it's right in front of him, he can feel the calloused hands running down his body. The deal he made with the devil is all he can think about. 

“Lance? Lance!” his face whips up from where he was staring in lap. The others look concerned, his cheeks feel sticky with the tears that must've been falling. He brings his hands up to wipe at his burning eyes and flushed face. 

“I’m sorry, I just-” he takes a deep breath to try and steady himself. But it isn't working. He speaks with a fake professional, that he and the others can see right through, “I think I just need to go to my room, I’m going to be okay. I think-, I just-, I just need to be alone for a bit.” 

He doesn't think about the shared glances or how the calm atmosphere is tense, he pulls himself from the chair and tries to walk calmly from the room. The second the doors shit, he's facade fades. He can feel himself falling apart. He's been holding everything in for so long, and he's been so good at holding it in. But he's shattering. He wants to talk, but at this point, he doesn't even know how. There's a weight on his shoulders, and it's becoming too much. His chest is being pushed in, he's on edge all the time. He craves to be held, he craves for someone to tell him everything will be okay. But how can he? How can he trust anyone, when he has been taken advantage of by people who should have been there for him

He doesn’t know how to fix himself.

He doesn’t know if he can.


	3. Pour a glass and bite my tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bonding night with the paladins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a plan for the rest of the story, and most of it is written. I was going to wait to post this chapter, but I can't sleep so here it is. Warnings: Underage drinking, referenced underage sex. The mentioned sex is like 15-16 in this case. Just mentions it, no actual sexual act is mentioned.

Bonding nights with the Paladins became more common after they traveled into space. Their bonds with each other and with their lions have always been emphasized, and nights talking was not only relaxing, but they also count as training. They all sat around the table in what Lance refers to as the Space Living Room. They are drinking some fermented juice that Coran had supplied them. Keith was laying on the floor, by Pidge, who was leaning forward, almost bracing themselves against the table. Lance was laying on the couch, feet resting on Shiro’s lap. Hunk found himself laying on his stomach on the floor in front of the couch the Alteans were sharing. They each held golden cups that looked like wine glasses with the stems cut off, filled with a highlighter yellow liquid. It went down smoother than nunvill. It really wasn’t all that better. Shiro tried to stop them from drinking the Space Alcohol but was stopped after it was pointed out that if they were old enough to fight in a war they are old enough to drink. They knew that he didn't think they were old enough to fight in the war, he doesn't think he is, but that’s a topic for another day.

“Look I’m just saying, we don’t know what other species find attractive. Like Allura called Lance’s ears hideous when we first met.” Pidge’s eyes are slightly glazed, and her cheeks are more than slightly flushed. Her body is leaned forward like she is about to reveal some huge secret, and she isn’t even slightly deterred by Lance’s protest at the insult to his ears.

“Everything is so different as you go from culture to culture, but there is one universal truth among all aliens... no one likes Lance’s flirting” Pidge cackles immediately after the words leave her mouth, the other paladins laughing along with her, ignoring the pout Lance is giving the room. Lance patiently waits for the paladins to calm down before even attempting to argue in his own defense.

“You guys have never seen me flirt and mean it, I mean, ‘you can activate my particle barrier?’ That wasn’t a serious flirt.” Lance reasons.

“You never seriously flirted with me?” Allura asks, shocked by this new information. 

“No. You are very pretty, and I find you very intelligent. You have strong morals and you try to do what’s best for us even if you are wrong sometimes. You are very strong physically, emotionally, and mentally. But I never really wanted to go anywhere with you.” Lance explains. If Allura was shocked before, she is stunned now. Lance either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, because he just continues on. “If I really flirted, it wouldn’t be anything like what I have been doing. I was popular at the Garrison, I know I got around. I was successful at that for a reason.” Lance admits.

“He does have a point, there aren’t many people who didn’t sleep with Lance.” Hunk was almost as wasted as Pidge, he’s always been a lightweight, and space definitely didn’t change his tolerance level. “Some of those people weren’t attracted to guys or too old. Or too young. Out of people who could sleep with Lance, a lot of them did. Wow… I never really thought about that…” 

“But I’m on a break. I’m not sleeping with anyone. Not that there aren’t any options” Lance throws a quick wink at Shiro, smiling softly at the flush on the leaders check, before focusing on the conversation again. “I’m enjoying space and meeting new people. If I had wanted to sleep with others, I’m sure I would be more than successful at getting one night stands. As much as I can admit someone is attractive, I’m just so done with having sex at the moment.”

“Lance, I must ask, why do you flirt with me and all the others, if you don’t mean it?”

Lance takes a sip of his drink, thinking his answer over for a few seconds before he begins talking again.

“Flirting is fun.” Lance seems to almost taste the words as they left his mouth. He shifts a little, bringing his legs out of Shiro's lap and close to his body. “I can boost someone’s confidence, I can make someone laugh, I can ease the tension. People start to focus on me and how I struck out, or how ridiculous I’m being, and it distracts them from what’s going on. I’m very good at playing a part and fitting the role that people need me to fit. I know how to read situations and play a role to fit the scenario. For me, flirting is just part of a character I play. One of his characteristics. You have to be able to read people to be good with them. I can read people.” Lance takes a larger swig of his drink. 

“Man, I’m tired” Lance pulls himself up from the couch, making a show of stretching and cracking his back. “I’m going to hit the hay. Good night.” 

Lance’s departure was eventually followed by the others doing the same. By morning, everyone had forgotten the majority of what Lance said. Maybe if they paid closer attention, things wouldn’t have escalated the way they had. Maybe they would have realized something was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all feedback is welcomed. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this.


	4. We're the kids who feel like dead ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is insecure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't happy with this chapter, so I had to rework it. I thought about cutting it, but I decided to just spend more time on it. So it wasn't posted when I wanted it to be, but that's fine. It's short, so sorry for that.
> 
> Warnings: fighting, Characters being put down and insulted. Worthless and replaceable used as an insult.

Every mission that was supposed to be a simple in and out, was never a simple in-and-out mission. Lance knew this, Shiro knew this, it was a simple fact they all discovered over the course of being in space. But the paladins are hopeful, and always expect different when they set off in their lions. The Galran cruiser didn’t even have an ion cannon. It should have been easy. Lance and Hunk were sent to get data from the ship; the red and green lions would be outside keeping cover. Shiro was in the red lion with Keith. The fewer lions the better. In and Out. 

Hunk and Lance split up to check the two possible locations the control room could be, and Lance was the one who ended up finding it. Lance stands at the control panel, watching the progress bar on the screen as he downloads data, which may or may not have something important on it. At this point, any information can be crucial. Lance didn’t feel comfortable with this mission. He still feels on edge, he knew that something bad was going to happen. Like when he would stand outside and feel a storm coming. His hands have been shaking since they left in their lions, and he hasn’t felt like he’s been ‘on his game’ for a while now. 

“Blue Paladin,” they should have had a plan for this. They should have come up with a backup plan if they were discovered, it's always a possibility. If someone caught Lance, he can either take the flash drive and go, or wait for the files to finish transferring and go. He's always going to choose what's best for the team.

The Galra was quite tall, even for a Galra. He had a very defined jaw and sideburns that flared out. He had a scar that stretched from by his right ear down towards his neck and then disappearing into his uniform. He just screams intimidation-- the scar, the fangs, the muscles paint a picture of “don’t fuck with me”. Lance can tell by the marking on his armor, that this galra was a commander. 

“When we heard the paladins of Voltron were going to infiltrate our ship, we expected… one of the more _useful_ paladins.” The Galra saunters closer to where Lance was standing at the control panel. Lance straightens his spine, tilting his head to look more confident than what he’s feeling.

He discreetly grabs the flash drive from behind him and tucks it into his suit, hoping it had finished downloading, but at this point, it doesn’t matter. He grips his bayard tighter, preparing himself to fight his way out.

“They were all busy, you know how it is. Gotta send out who’s available.” There isn’t a way out of here. Lance feels himself accept the fact that he either won't make it out, or his going to be really injured when gets back to the castle. But he has nothing to lose. With that thought, he shifts his bayard into his gun but doesn’t choose to shoot the weapon. His arm shoots out and he hits the soldier with the blunt end of his weapon. The galra steps back with his hands grasping his now bleeding nose, but Lance doesn’t stop yet. He swings his weapon again hitting the galra's cheekbone. He knows he doesn’t really fare well in hand-to-hand combat, and he’s a better shooter, but he also has a long range weapon. He has to do what he has to do. He runs past the dazed galra, not looking back. The door is right there. He barely breaches the entryway before he feels a hand grasp his upper arm. He tries to grip the doorway, but he feels the frame leave his fingertips as his body flies across the room. His back hits the control panel and he quickly comes to the realization this galra threw him like it was nothing. A groan escapes his lips, the wind knocked out of him.

He sees the anger, the pure fury, on the other’s face. He can taste the shift in their air. Nothing can be done about the foreboding feeling.  
“Did you know that the Empire views you as the worthless Paladin?” The galra swings his foot out and makes contact with Lance's stomach. A few coughs escape his mouth, but the man isn’t done.

“You’re just some insecure kid, a placeholder for a real soldier to replace.” Lance’s collar is grabbed and he’s yanked to his feet. Toes just barely scraping the ground. He doesn't understand why he's so angry. He hit him. But he doesn't understand the reaction he's getting. 

“I don’t even know if it’s worth killing you. You’ll just be replaced. You don’t matter. They don’t need you.” One of his hands wraps around Lance’s throat, squeezing tighter as he lifts Lance higher into the air. Lance tries kicking his feet and pulling the hand off his throat, but the hand isn’t loosening. Lance thinks of himself as a seventh wheel, he likes to think he’s been getting better at dealing with his negative thoughts. But this Galra is ticking off all his insecurities and it's filling up Lance's thoughts. His panicked state is trying to focus on anything besides the fact that he's going to die. 

Lance can feel his vision darkening, he's losing feeling in his body. Suddenly the pressure is released and he finds himself on the ground. Coughs and a small sob escape Lance’s mouth as Hunk tries to pull him up.

“He’s knocked out Lance, but we have to go now. They know we’re here. We are going to get ambushed” Lance is able to pull himself to his feet, but his legs still shake. Hunk helps guide Lance through the ship.  
When they make it back to the Castle, they go through the process of being looked over by Coran. Lance has bruising around his neck, but it wasn’t anything to be sent into a pod over. Lance feels like he’s on autopilot, going through the motions, only barely listening to his teammates. He just wants to lay down. At some point, he finds out that they heard everything through the comms, they try to reassure him, but Lance isn’t listening. He’s dismissed to his room, on the grounds they’ll talk to make sure Lance knows he belongs. But they all end up facing some distraction or another. Lance’s bruises fade, and with that so does the memory of the battle, forgotten by all except the blue paladin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcomed. Any feedback is also welcomed.


	5. When the drink be too strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance gets drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: underage drinking, getting drunk

Lance feels like he’s losing it. Going into space was so freeing at first. He was away from _him_. But being away from his mom hurts. Feeling like he doesn’t contribute hurts. He feels too much sometimes. 

That last mission was awful. He can still feel the hands around his neck. It isn't just that he thought he was going to die, it's that this wasn't the first time something like this has happened. It's a problem is that he can’t tell if he wanted to die or not. He would’ve felt bad that his mom wouldn’t get to bury him or mourn him properly if his body was left in space. He thinks the other paladins might be sad, but he still hasn’t decided if they would have been said that someone died, or if it was because _he_ died, and they are upset he’s dead. Lance can recognize the difference. 

As much as he wants to bury the whole event deep down like he usually does, he still finds himself wanting to talk to someone about it. The others said they would. But they forgot. 

And that hurts.

Everything hurts.

He lets his feet carry him through the castle, their sound ringing out through the quiet. His breaths and footsteps breaking up the static in his head. He explores the castle, trying to find undiscovered nooks and crannies that he hasn’t seen before. 

He finds a door that leads to a secret entrance of the observation deck. He finds a laboratory that he plans to show Pidge in the future. Some doors are just empty rooms or storage places. 

“After this hall, I’m going to go back to my room,” Lance thinks. He wants to lay down

When he opens the next door, he feels nervous and excited and… he doesn’t quite know.

The room is a cellar of some sort. It has lines of shelves that stand in rows throughout the room. The shelves hold wine-like bottles. Lance grabs a bottle off of one of the racks near him, a pretty dark blue liquid sloshes in the bottle. There are small specks of glitter that make the bottle seem like it holds a galaxy inside. He tips the bottle a few times, watching the liquid in the bottle move around. Before he can think of the consequences, he pops the top off and takes a small sniff of the liquid.

“It doesn’t smell terrible” Lance mutters into the empty room.

Lance brings the bottle to his lips, pausing for only a small moment before he takes a mouthful and swallows.

“Oh that’s disgusting” Lance coughs out, almost gagging at the aftertaste still left in his mouth.

He sets the bottle back after recapping it. Definitely a Space Booze, just not one he ever wants to taste again.

He paces down the rows, tasting different bottles, putting them back if they taste gross, and making notes of bottles that taste okay. 

He finds a brown bottle, the liquid is bright orange, with brown flecks inside that look like dirt. The taste is sweet, but not disgustingly so. 

“So we are bringing this one to the room” He exits the cellar and makes the long trip back to his room. Taking sips of the bottle while he walks. His vision is starting to blur, and it gets harder to walk.

Lance has probably become a lightweight after not drinking much since he's been in space. But he also was taste testing other drinks, and he doesn't know how strong this stuff is, so who really knows. 

Maybe Coran.

Lance finds himself leaning onto the wall for support. It's hard to walk. 

“Just gonna take a quick break, a little breather if you will,” Lance thinks. He’s drunk. 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed when someone finds him. But he managed to slide down the wall, now sitting with his back against the wall, a nearly empty bottle in his hand, when Keith turns into the hallway he’s resting in.

“Lance? Are… Are you okay?” Keith slowly creeps towards Lance, who doesn’t seem to fully recognize what’s going on around him.

“Hmm?” Lance sluggishly lifts his head. His eyes are red-rimmed, and his cheeks are flushed. He doesn’t seem to be able to focus on Keith.

“Lance are you sick? What’s wrong?” Keith brings his hands on both sides of Lance’s face, shifting his head around, trying to get a better feel of his condition.

“No… Don’t do that…” Lance winces back, trying to bring himself away.

“I’ll go get Coran” Keith stands up, about to run back down the hall, but Lance’s hand grabs his wrist.

“Please don’t” Lance weakly tugs at Keith. Keith crouches by Lance.

“Lance, you look sick, what if you die? I have to get Coran” Keith tries to explain, but Lance just shakes his head.

“Mmm not sick. Just a little drunk” Lance slurs out as he holds the bottle up as proof. “Can you just sit with me, please?” he begs. Keith knows he should get an adult, but Lance looks sad and Keith really doesn’t understand people as well as he should, but he feels like he should sit with Lance.

Keith sits against the wall, letting Lance lean his head on his shoulder. Keith’s confused.

“Why did you get drunk?”

“I didn’t mean to.” 

“How do you accidentally get drunk” Keith’s even more confused.

“I just started, and then I didn’t want to stop,” Lance pauses for a moment. “I’m just so sad sometimes.” 

The heartbroken look on Lance’s face isn’t something Keith knows how to handle. He doesn’t know how to deal with sad people in general, but he understands how to deal with Lance even less. Lance is always happy, maybe sometimes he gets a little sad. But overall, Lance is just one of those sunshine people. 

“I don’t know why you’re sad, and you would probably be better off talking to someone else, but I can try to help if you want. Do you want to talk to me about it?” Keith wraps an arm around Lance, and as awkward as he feels at first, Lance snuggling into him more makes him feel that he did the right thing.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that, Samurai, but I kinda just want to go to sleep right now” Lance has his eyes closed and soft snores leave him shortly after. 

Keith sits like that for a while, letting himself relax. Eventually, he stands up and carries Lance to his room.

The bottle laying knocked over in the remote hallway of the castle is the only evidence that remains of their ‘bonding moment’.

And if Lance goes back to grab more bottles out of the cellar to keep in his room, that's his business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't really know how this site works much, but thanks for the Kudos and leave a comment if you have any feedback. This story might be a little longer than what I planned.


	6. Little voices in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: underage drinking, poor coping mechanisms, references to abuse, a sexual act with a minor doesn't occur but is attempted, but it's attempted by the minor. I really don't know how to describe that warning. By the way, if there are more warnings/ tags I should add to the stories tags, please let me know.
> 
> This chapter should have been two parts, the first part probably should have been added to the chapter before. But the first part was too short to post on its own, and it ties into the second half. I made the decision to just combine them. So this chapter is pretty long.

On another night of bonding, the paladins find themselves watching an Altean movie. The humans had a small sense of what’s going on, but everything wasn’t being translated quite as it should be, or it wasn’t being translated at all.

It could have been a great way to end the day. They were all relaxing, eating snacks and making jokes about the characters actions. Not caring that the movie was being interrupted. Even the Alteans couldn’t find it in them to care.

All of that ends when the next scene comes on, and the main character runs up to a new character. 

“He looks so familiar” Lance mutters out. The main character is asking the man for something, but he’s either refusing to help, or he just can’t. Lance squint at the TV, trying to find out where he’s seen this man.

“He was quite a popular actor in his prime, very nice man” Coran answers. But that doesn’t explain how Lance would know him.

“He kinda looks like your dad” Lance whips his head to Hunk, surprise coating his features. Now that the comparison has been made, Lance can see the similarities. The skin tone, the hair, the scruff, eyes… everything is _just_ similar enough to his dad’s.

“You know my dad? When have you ever seen my dad?” The question is almost accusing, causing Hunk to flinch back.

“You had a picture of him on your desk at the Garrison… At least, I think it was him? You guys were all standing around a table or something, he was the oldest dude,” the whole room seemed to be focusing on the two boys, and Lance wasn’t sure what to say next, but it definitely shouldn’t have been what managed to come out of his mouth.

“My dad’s a piece of shit who should’ve been cut out of that photo a long time ago. But dickhead was in the center and it’s the only picture I have of everyone in my family.” Lance’s voice doesn’t have venom to it, surprisingly, his voice just sounds like he’s stating facts like he’s telling the time. 

“Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic, Lance. Some of us would kill to see their father again” Keith speaks, Lance knows that he doesn’t know Lance’s story, but that doesn’t stop the anger that starts to burn in Lance’s chest. The look on Lance’s face makes it clear that Keith should have kept his mouth shut.

“My father wasn’t a good guy. It’s not like he grounded me and I was like ‘oh jeez, I must hate my father,’ he is one of the few people that I think truly deserves to die. If he were here right now, I could shoot him and not give a single shit.” Lance can see the faces of his fellow paladins, he knows that they really don’t approve of what he said, but he can’t bring himself to care. They don’t understand. He’s not going to take the time to explain.

“Trust me, if I broke it down for you, you all would understand. Hell, Hunk might try and do it himself.” Lance doesn’t elaborate any further, letting the words of the movie fill the silence for a moment. He feels the urge to do something stupid, and he’s not going to stop himself. He mummers something about not being in the mood for the movie, so he bids them all goodnight, and then leaves.

“I have something I have to tell you guys. It’s about Lance.” Keith speaks moments after Lance left. He realizes where he went wrong, and everything about that conversation made him uncomfortable, so he feels it’s his responsibility to the truth.

“What is it, Keith?” Coran asks.

“The other day, I found him blackout drunk in the hallway. He said he didn’t mean to and that he was sad. I wasn’t going to say anything, because I figured it was a one-time thing. But I think… I think somethings wrong. He’s been saying and doing things that don’t add up. I’m worried.”

Keith knows he did the right thing when the others share their concern as well. Coran mentioning that Lance could get some form of alcohol poisoning if he kept this up. They need to talk to Lance. The movie plays in the background as they all try to come up with a plan. If they could, they would let him keep everything private and come to them on his own time, but it’s affecting the team. And frankly, they are worried about Lance. Who knows what he might do.

————————

Lance wakes up with a pounding headache. 

This wouldn’t be too bad if the alarms weren't blaring. The flashing red lights burn his retinas, the sound making it feel like someone is splitting his head. 

Not really thinking straight, in his hangover daze, Lance grabs a bottle and takes a few mouthfuls of the liquid. It won’t fix everything, but it’ll dull his senses long enough for him to get through the battle. 

He’s been drunk during training before and no one has noticed.

He should be fine.

Right?

————————

They can’t form Voltron. It took forever to get an opening during the battle, and once they got into formation, they couldn’t sync together. 

Lance can feel the panic seeping through his bloodstream, it’s his fault. If someone dies, if something goes wrong, it’ll be his fault. He shouldn’t have been drinking last night, and he shouldn’t have kept drinking this morning.

“Look, we’ll worry about why we can’t form Voltron later. Let’s just get out of here. Allura, prepare to open a wormhole.” Shiro commands, only slightly cutting through Lance’s thoughts.

Lance is desperate. He knows he’s going to get in trouble. This is his fault and his alone. Fuck. They are going to kick him out of Voltron. Find a new paladin. He can’t even blame them. He would’ve done the same.

“I’m sorry” Lance sobs, not caring that the team is seeing his tipping point. He didn’t even realize he started to cry until his voice cracked on his last word. “I’m so sorry, I can be better, I promise I’ll be better” Lance is spiraling.

“Lance, I don’t know what’s going on, but we need you to calm down and focus. We can help whenever we get back to the castle. Just calm down please” Shiro’s voice, which is usually so soothing to Lance, is just making him feel worse. He’s still trying to fight the best that he can, Blue taking over as much as she can, but feeds the idea that Lance is shit and that he doesn’t deserve to be here.

“Pidge! Get out of the way!” Hunk screams. Lance realizes that the ion cannon that managed to charge and aim at Pidge, without the other paladin's notice. Pidge is shocked, the video shows her frozen, and she isn’t going to move out of the way. Lance is too far to help. That voice in his head is getting louder. He barely recognizes the red lion pushing her out of the way of the blast that would have surely knocked Pidge out.

“Pidge! Are you okay?” Shiro calls out. The team’s focused on Pidge, so they don’t notice the second cannon locked on Shiro.

“The first was a distraction,” Lance whispers to himself. The team was supposed to be so focused on Pidge, that they wouldn’t have noticed the second cannon. The cannon starts to fire before Lance can call out a warning. Everything feels like slow motion, but Lance knows that it must have all happened under ten seconds of Pidge being shot at. Lance knows that he can’t get to Shiro and knock him out of the way in time. But maybe, if his lion is in front, it’ll block the shot enough. Blue doesn’t try to fight Lance’s decision. Lance flies Blue into the line of the laser, he stares at the purple light that encompasses his cockpit, shining down on his face and allowing him to feel calm, for only a moment, before he experiences the most excruciating pain of his life. 

————————

The paladins hear Lance’s screams echoing through their comms before the feed from the blue lion ends. 

“Lance!” Hunk’s voice is piercing, the pain could be heard from miles away. But Shiro’s focus is on the lion laying limp in front of him. It doesn’t take much for him to piece together what happened. Lance was further out when Pidge was almost hit, and now he’s in front of the Black Lion. They weren’t focused. If they had focused on the battle, Lance wouldn’t have had to fly into the way.

“Black, can you see if Lance is still alive? Is there a signal or something that you can check?” Shiro asks quietly, not wanting to worry the paladins any more than they already are. The purr of reassurance is all he needs to snap back into leader mode.

“Lance is breathing. Keith, Pidge, keep cover so we can get back to the hangers. Hunk, grab the Blue lion and bring her to her hanger.” The battle finishes quickly, they all just want to get back to Lance.

————————

Lance woke up when Hunk entered Blue and was able to walk, limp is a better word, into the med bay. The others trailing behind.

The team would have already been on edge, with adrenaline and the close calls they already had. But watching the blue lion go limp and their screams for Lance going unanswered made everything tenser.

Shiro was hyped up on adrenaline, paired with the fact that he no longer has the battle to focus on, all he can do is focus on his worry over the blue paladin. He doesn’t handle the situation properly.

“You shouldn’t have done that Lance, you could’ve died!” Shiro’s voice is rising as he paces in front of the cot that Lance was sitting on. 

“Keith pushed Pidge out of the way, saving both lions from the blast! Why would you just stop? You weren’t focused lance! I know that you were the reason we couldn’t form Voltron! Your lion wasn’t connecting” Shiro was standing a few feet in front of Lance, arms crossed as he tries, but fails, to calm down. He isn’t even angry, he’s absolutely terrified. He should’ve been the one that had gotten hit, not Lance. 

Lance can feel his own anger building up in his chest. Of course, he was getting compared to Keith. Of course, when he gets a new commander, they still find a way to compare him to Keith. 

“Maybe I could focus if it wasn’t for Keith’s loud breathing and the stupid noises he was making,” Lance grumbles, but he’s not really mad at Keith. No one is saying what they really feel.

“What did I even do?” Keith shouts back. Lance stands up, bringing himself face to face with Keith.

“Oh come on, it’s more like what haven’t you done! You are always trying to show off and brag and-“ 

“ _MCCLAIN_ ” Lance hears his name shouted, but to him, it doesn’t sound like Shiro was the one yelling. Shiro, for a split second, think he’s about to be hit. Lance spun so quickly, Shiro was so sure that was what was going to happen. Lance could feel the anger coming from the man before him, and he knows what he has to do. Not thinking, but also thinking too much, Lance falls to his knees by the man’s feet, his hands reach for the belt and begins to undo the clasp. His hands are shaking when the man grabs his hands and stops him.

When Lance looks up at Shiro, his eyes are glazed, like he doesn’t quite know where he is. 

“Is something wrong, sir?” Lance’s voice was so full of fear, and so quiet as his eyes stared at Shiro. He was looking through him. It was like he was looking at something that wasn’t really there. 

He blinks rapidly, noticing the horror on in the eyes of the man above him. When his vision sharpens, it’s Shiro’s face looking down at him. He quickly bolts up taking large steps back, panic is filling his body as he looks around. He’s not at the Garrison. It was Shiro who yelled. Not him. He wasn’t ever here.

Lance feels himself gag on the sob that tries to leave his body. They must be so disgusted by him. He just tried to-

He sobs louder, he can’t bring himself to look at any of them. His arms wrap around his boy, trying to ground himself, but he just can’t. He needs to get out. He needs to get away.

He spins on his heel, quickly running from the room. His pulse rings in his ears, his head is pounding, and he feels like he’s on fire. He whips around corners and pushes himself faster till he gets to his hanger. He heard the shouts calling for him, but it sounds muffled. Like his head is underwater. Blue send pulses of comfort to him, trying her best to calm him down, but he’s still frantic. His sobs rack his body, shaking him, as the memories he tried so hard to forget, buried deep down, had resurfaced.

“Blue. Blue, I’m so scared” Lance cries to his lion. “I want to go home,” Lance chokes out. He lays himself on Blue’s paws, heart-wrenching sobs turning into whimpers as he slowly drifts into a fitful sleep, Blue embracing him through their connection.

Blue knows he should be put in a pod, she does, but her paladin needs to be comforted. He would feel so betrayed if he woke up and she had let the others in. So she puts up her shield, not caring about the voices yelling outside, or the lions trying to get her attention and waits patiently for her paladin to wake up.

He needs her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All feedback is welcomed. Hope this chapter was enjoyable.


	7. This time don't need another perfect lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finally confesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the lyrics from the song Secrets by OneRepublic fit this chapter so well, but I listened to Sober by Demi Lovato when I wrote this, and I listened to it on repeat. Also, this chapter originally had another part to it, but I am putting that off for the next chapter because this was getting long, or longish.
> 
> Warnings: referenced child abuse, use of the f-slur, breakdowns, self-harm (not cutting but hurting himself while he breaks down)

Waking up was rough, Lance’s head hurt. His throat felt sore, and his nose was stuffy. His whole face was feeling puffy.

“Blue, I don’t want to go out there.” Lance is whining, almost begging, and he knows this, but he just wants to see and be with his mom. His chest is already feeling too tight, despite the fact that he woke up only moments before.

He can feel Blue’s encouragement, she wants him to go out there, face the day. But he’s so scared. He knows that he has reached the point where he has to tell them. They have to know. 

It doesn't make it any easier. 

It takes too long for him to work up the courage to sit up. 

The sight outside Blue’s wall brings him to tears, he didn’t expect to see everyone laying outside. They may be asleep, but he can tell that they waited for him. 

A part of him thinks that maybe they just want to tell him to take a pod and leave. That they don't want to deal with his mess and they think it would be easier to just get rid of him. But before that thought can grow into something darker, Blue shows him the team after he falls asleep. He sees Keith banging on the wall, trying to get Blue to let the wall down. He hears Shiro telling Black to do something, anything, just let them get to Lance. Hunk and Pidge are holding each other, Pidge sobs into Hunk’s chest as they both try to calm each other down. Coran is the one who brought blankets and pillows, waiting for them all to make their way over and lay down. Allura, the regal and always put together Allura, seems lost.

Lance feels like shit.

He put them through so much. He was drunk and in a battle against people who wanted to kill them. He put all of them in danger. He keeps running away from his problems. He can’t keep doing this.

“Blue, can you let the walls down? I think I need to go out there.”

The field comes down almost immediately, and Lance slides off her paw. He walks past Shiro and Keith, stepping in between Pidge and Hunk, he doesn’t pause at Allura. Right now, he wants Coran. He needs to be held, and he needs Coran. Coran is like an uncle, and if he was younger and didn’t have to deal with everything that he’s been through, he could’ve seen Coran as a father figure for Lance. But that word is dirty to Lance. A father isn't something he needs, or wants.

Lance gently shakes Coran’s shoulder, waking him up.  
“I don’t… I don’t want to talk right now." Lance speaks once he knows he has Coran's attention. "But I will, I promise. Can you just… Can you just hug me? I really want a hug right now.” Lance feels his eyes burn, and he swallows over the lump in his throat. Coran brings Lance into his arms, not asking questions or saying anything, and Lance can’t help but cry harder. He put the team through so much and he’s made so many mistakes. But the way Coran is hugging him makes him feel safe, not quite like his mother’s hugs, but his insides feel warm for the first time in a while.

“It’s alright. You’ll be okay. We’ll get through this.” Coran holds Lance to his chest, he doesn’t care about how his shirt is getting soaked through, all he cares about is the broken boy in his arms.

————————

Even though Lance is able to stop crying, Coran still holds him a little longer, before bringing him to the med bay. He goes through a short stint in the pod; he surprisingly, but thankfully, didn’t have much damage from the blast.

Coran has a soothing tea prepared and waiting for Lance to drink once he is out of the pod. 

Only after he sure Lance is as relaxed as he can be, does he mentions waking the others.

“Coran… are they mad at me? I don’t think I can handle them yelling right now,” Coran’s heart breaks for the boy. He’s so kind, he does so much, and at this moment, he truly seems his age. He’s just a teenage boy who had to deal with so much, at such a young age. And Coran finds himself mourning the innocence he lost as a boy who had to grow up too fast.

“No, they aren’t mad at you. They are so worried about you. I’m sure if this hadn’t happened after a battle, they wouldn’t have gone to sleep last night. They care about you so much, we all just want to know what happened.” Coran’s voice is gentle. Lance thinks that Coran is similar to him in the way that they both understand people. Lance shifts to fit what others need, and Coran does the same. Coran can be as outlandish as can be, but in moments like this, he’s calm and collected. His presence soothes Lance in a way that feels foreign, he finds himself clinging to Coran’s presence.

Before Lance can respond, he hears footsteps pounding down the hallway outside. Keith rounds the entrance of the med bay and freezes at the sight of Lance.

“He’s over here!” Keith’s yell causes Lance to flinch a bit, but Coran is rubbing soothing circles on his back before he can recede back into his protective shell.

The others are quick to make it into the room, but despite how they rushed into the room, none of them attempt to go close to Lance, scared he’ll run off. 

“So… I think I have to explain last night.” Lance hands his tea to Coran, he has to begin. He has to be the one to start this conversation. He shakes out his hands trying to pump himself up to talk about his biggest kept secret. He clasps his hands together, taking a small step forwards, before unclasping them and rubbing them against his jeans. He feels uncomfortable, but he knows he has to push through. He should just try to get this over with.

“So I-, I just-,” he cuts himself off with a small laugh that is anything but happy.

“Shiro, what happened last night… it wasn’t your fault. When I was compared to Keith it just… set me off. I’ve been tense for a while, and everything has just been piling on. And then you said McClain and it sounded so angry and I just-” Lance doesn’t try to keep talking this time. He knows there’s more he has to say, but he just can’t figure out how or what words he should say.

“Lance,” Shiro starts talking, “I saw you get hurt, and I panicked. I was so terrified you got hurt, especially that you got hurt protecting me. You’re still a kid. I handled the situation wrong, I shouldn’t have gotten angry. I definitely shouldn’t have compared you to Keith. I’m sorry for doing that. But I didn’t yell McClain last night, I yelled boys. I didn’t specifically yell at you. I also don’t know why you tried to do what you did, and I understand if it’s not something you don’t want to talk about with everyone present, but you do need to talk to someone about it.”

Lance can feel his chest tightening, he rubs his hand across his chest trying to get some of the tension out, but he can still feel the squeeze on his torso. He paces by Coran, bringing his hands to pull at his face when he can't get the pressure of his chest.

“I didn’t-” Lance starts. “You guys weren’t supposed to find out. I know I have to talk and tell everyone, but I didn’t want anyone to know.” Lance scratches at his arms like he’s trying to scratch a rash. His nails raking down his arms as he tries to explain, but he really doesn’t know how. He’s never had to do this before.

“I know it was wrong. I knew the moment it started happening. I should’ve told someone. I should have said no. But I didn’t have anyone. I’ve never had anyone I could go to.” Nails begin to push deeper into the skin of his forearms.

He pauses turning to Hunk, the team can see that he’s crying again, but they don’t want to stop him now that he’s talking. It’s like his mouth was taped shut, and the tape has finally been taken off. He's cried so much in the last couple of days. Now that his emotional dam seems to be broken, his flood of feelings don't seem to be stopping.

“I had Hunk later on, but not in the beginning, and even then he couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t tell the teachers. I couldn’t call my mom because then my dad would find out and he’d say that I’m some faggot boy that deserved it” Lance stops pacing like he realized what he said, but he shakes his head and keeps walking, not trying to lose the momentum he's built up.

“I didn’t even really try to fight, He was just like ‘hey lance, do this or I’m going to take everything you worked so hard for and you’ll go back to your dad.’ That was all it took!” Lance is breaking, his hands are shaking. He doesn’t look like he belongs in his body, he looks restless.

“All I wanted, all I had ever wanted was to make my dad proud. When I was young he loved me so much, and then he found out I liked boys and he couldn’t take it. It didn’t matter that I also liked girls. I told him I could change. I said I would only date girls and that he wouldn’t have to worry about me being a disgrace to the family. No one would have to know!” Lance couldn't stop the tears if he tried at this point, he's too focused to even notice everyone is stunned. No one knew. No one would have ever thought that Lance came from anything other than a loving family. He always gave so much love, they were so sure it came from a place of love.

“You know what he said? You want to know what that bastard said?” His question remains unanswered, but he wasn’t waiting for a response.

“He said it didn’t matter. Once a faggot, always a faggot. He was so angry at me, and I didn’t even really understand. I was six! I was fucking six!” Lance screams at no one, pulling at his hair.

“The Garrison was the only way I could get away from him, I worked my ass off to get there. I made _one_ stupid mistake. One stupid fucking mistake because I thought it would make people like me. It ruined everything. I tried so hard. I wanted to be liked so much, but nothing worked and I thought maybe if I was a good pilot then-” Lance is crying hard at this point, his sobs rattle his body, and he looks so small and tired. But he’s still trying to talk. He just wants them to understand. 

“The Garrison was hell for me, I hated that place so much” His arms are wrapped around his body like he’s trying to physically hold himself together.

“I wanted to go home, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to feel at home somewhere. I wanted that so bad, and I never got it.” Lance’s legs are shaking as he brings himself to the floor. 

“I never wanted this.” He looks up at the ceiling, crying harder, and repeating the words over and over. Like he’s trying to remind himself that he didn’t choose for this to happen to him. He's begging them, and himself, to understand that he didn't want any of this. Lance wraps his arms around his legs and he cries into his knees. Coran crouches beside him, attempting to calm him down now that he’s done talking. He whispers reassurances to Lance, but they aren’t calming him down. No one else dares to move, they see the blood and scratches on Lance’s arms, his self-mutilation unnoticed by Lance. They can see how truly broken he is.

They have questions that they need answers for, they still don’t really know everything. But they know enough for now, and they can’t ask any more of the boy in blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is almost over, and I really enjoyed writing it. I have another story that I was thinking about writing so I might end up posting that next, but I'm not really sure yet.
> 
> All feedback is welcomed.


	8. To fix our broken pieces one at a time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Show and Tell with Lance's memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one chapter left, this chapter is long in comparison to the others.
> 
> warnings: abuse, underage sex, drinking, the f-slur, abuse of power

Lance stares at the mind meld helmet in his hand. It really isn’t something he wants to do. But the others thought that it would be easier if he shared like this. That way he can just project, instead of trying to actually form his own sentences.

“Sometimes I was so close to just telling you guys, but I always backed out. I never really had the courage. And I still don’t think I do. But I’m not good for the team right now… I want to be better” Lance lifts the helmet up, staring at it like it has all the answers he’s looking for.

“I hated when we did these exercises” he adds. He looks mature, the others don’t see a childish, goofy, teenage boy. It hurts to see that Lance is hurting and that he’s used to feeling hurt.

“Why don’t you put on the helmet, and show us what happened the last time we did a mind meld. Show us what made you uncomfortable. Or show us something about the last mind meld that bothered you. You can consider it a warm up.” He decides that Allura’s suggestion isn’t terrible, and instead of answering he slips the helmet on and lets his mind go to the last time they sat around like this.

————————

“Paladins, today we are going to bring back a training activity we had in the past, one we haven’t done in a while,” Coran’s cheery voice calls out through the upper deck of the training room.

“And which one is it, exactly?” Pidge asks, not finding herself the mood for the dramatics.

“Mind melding!” Lance stiffens, but quickly forces himself to relax, if they know he doesn’t want to do the mind meld, it makes them want to do it more. The team tries to keep secrets to a minimum. But Lance doesn’t want people in his mind. He likes having his thoughts to himself.

They all find a place in a circle on the floor, spaced out wearing the mind-melding helmets as Coran debriefs on what this session will entail. Lance is only just paying attention, he tries to distract himself with how the castle floor is cold against his hand, or what the other paladins are doing.

“Each paladin will take turns asking a question to another paladin, they can be as personal or superficial as they want. The paladin who was asked the question will put forth a memory that answers the question, or any image that they think will answer the question.”

This shouldn’t be bad. No one is going to ask Lance about him. Why would they? At least, that’s what he tries so hard to convince himself.

The first few rounds of questioning are easy. They were asked about siblings, favorite colors, favorite classes, etc. But it couldn’t stay like that.

“Let’s make this more interesting” Pidge starts.

“Keith, why did you get kicked out of the Garrison?”

The paladins find themselves watching from the point of view of Keith as Iverson says something about the failed Kerberos mission. Keith says something back, the two spitting out harsher and harsher words as Iverson gets into Keith’s face. Keith swings his fist hitting Iverson in the face. He doesn’t stop punching until he’s pried off, and even then he’s still fighting and yelling at Iverson.

Seeing Iverson and seeing his eyes filled with rage and smugness makes Lance tense. He hates that look. He hates that it seems like it was directed at him. He taps his fingers against his knee, trying to find a steady pattern he can use to relax. He doesn't like this.

“Damn Keith was a Badass!” Pidge’s eyes light with excitement.

“I have always wanted to just hit Iverson.” Lance hears himself whisper out, he didn’t mean to, and because of his slip, they focused on him. He should’ve sat quietly.

“Iverson always had it out for you, didn’t he Lance?” Hunk asks.

“He always compared you to Keith. And I’m pretty sure he gave you more detentions than he gave all the other students combined” Pidge throws on.

“Why? What did he have against Lance?” Keith asks.

All the paladins turn to at Lance, waiting for an answer. Lance hates the calculating look in the eyes of Keith and Shiro. It’s easy to look over things right in front of you. But they are outsiders to this story. Lance doesn’t like this.

“I don’t know.” He picks at his jeans, keeping his eyes on his lap, he really doesn’t want to continue this conversation.

“Hunk, do you remember when Lance got in trouble for talking while one of the other teams were doing a simulation and Iverson dragged him out of the room for it? We were all so sure Iverson was about to kill Lance. Lance only had to breathe wrong and he would end up in detention with Iverson. And no matter who gave Lance detention, he would serve it with Iverson. I think Iverson just loved to see Lance in trouble, even if he didn’t deserve it.” Pidge doesn’t realize how much of an impact what she said would have. Lance wants to tell her to be quiet, that she’s making things worse. Lance doesn’t want to look up, he can feel eyes on him, watching him. He knows Shiro might figure it out if they keep talking. He doesn’t like this.

“Wait.” Shiro interrupts Pidge before she can continue. “You can only get 3 detentions each semester before you are put on probation, and then after 5, you get expelled. How did you not get expelled?”

“Iverson never officially documented my detentions,” Lance answers, visibly wincing as the words leave his mouth, feeling the instant regret. He shouldn’t have said that.

“He legally isn’t allowed to do that.” Shiro sounds appalled. “All detentions, the reason for the detention, and what took place during the detention has to be recorded. It’s what allows students to be able to file a complaint if punishment is worse than the action being punished. Why would he have not recorded them? Especially if he hated you so much, you would have been expelled and he wouldn’t have had you at the school anymore. This just doesn’t make sense.” The confusion of everyone in the room is clear now that Shiro pointed that out.

“Can we please stop talking about this? I really don’t want to think about it.” Lance tries to sound disinterested, but the begging in his voice is heard by the others.

“Paladins, this is a bonding exercise. You need to be honest with each other and project memories and feelings through the mind meld.” Allura speaks through the microphone. Lance doesn’t like this.

“So Lance, what happened in detentions with Iverson?” Pidge asks.

————————

Lance sits in front of Iverson holding the glass of amber liquid. He briefly looks up at him, seeing his wicked smile, before downing the drink quickly. It’s better to get this over with.

The scene changes and he’s dragging Lance by his upper arm. His hand is gripping too hard and it hurts. But Lance doesn’t say anything. He knows better.

“I don’t know why you can’t follow orders, McClain. Looks like you need some extra sessions.” Lance wants to cry, but he nods his head and tries to focus on something else.

Then he’s sitting on the chair in front of Iverson’s desk, and his cruel eyes pin Lance in place.

“You see lance, even with Keith gone. You’re still not good at the simulations. You’ve got good grades. But even those aren’t great. Your behavior is decent at best. All you will ever be is a cargo pilot.”

————————

Lance quickly stops his memories from being projected, that answers the question enough. They don’t need to know anymore.

“I get why you hated me” Keith breaks the silence. Lance can hear the hurt in Keith’s voice, they got over the rivalry. But it’s a sore spot for both of them and their still some hurt on both sides.

“Yeah, it wasn’t really ever at you, but I’m still sorry about that. I’m over it now. Or, I mostly am. Getting compared to you still sucks,” Lance voices with a shrug, they get distracted by something and the attention is off Lance. If they actually paid attention or asked more questions he’d be screwed, but they don’t care. No one ever did.

————————

His projection of the last mind meld ends, and he finds himself sitting and waiting for the others to say something.

“You know that isn’t true, right?” Hunk questions. “You know we all care about you right?”

Lance doesn’t lie when he answers. “I do, and I knew then. Just some days are worse than others, you know? Sometimes my thoughts are too much. It doesn’t help that thinking about the Garrison and my family makes things harder.”

“It was Iverson, wasn’t it?” Keith questions, not wanting to get off topic, and Lance knows that it isn’t really a question. “Iverson was the person you were so scared of. He made you do stuff you didn’t want. Iverson and your dad made you feel like shit.”

Lance could draw it out more, but he doesn’t. He gives a watery smile at Keith before his eyes close. For the first time, he finally lets everything go.

————————

“Mama! Mama, I got a boyfriend at school today! We’re gonna get married, mama!” A small Lance happily exclaimed to his mama, tugging at her apron and displaying a candy ring on his finger. He didn’t notice the way everyone in the house froze. He didn’t notice that his papa was home early.

“What did you say?” He was angry, his face was red and snarled. He looked like a rabid animal stalking his prey, and Lance was his prey.

“I- I got a boyfriend? Is-is something wrong?” Lance felt tears prick his eyes, he’s six. It didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t that serious. He didn’t understand

He grabs Lance’s hand tightly pulling him close to his father.

“I did not raise some sissy boy! Some fucking faggot!” He screams into Lance’s face, his hand is squeezing the boy’s wrist.

“Papa, you’re hurting me, papa! Papa, stop!” Lance tries tugging his hand away but it’s no use. He feels himself shaking. He wants to get away. The man grabs the ring on the child’s finger and yanks it off, throwing it to the side.

“Go upstairs now!” He shoves Lance away and his head hits the wall behind him. Lance ignores the throbbing in his head as he rushes up to his room.

The scene changes and he’s older now. He’s holding his garrison acceptance letter in his hand.

It’s the night before he’s supposed to leave, his bag is packed and he’s ready to go. Nothing has really been the same since the day he came home with the ring. He realizes he likes boys and girls, for the longest time he tried to put down the part of himself that found boys attractive. He didn’t stop, but he never vocalized it again. He couldn’t.

The family sits together at the dinner table, Lance is the farthest from his father. He used to hate sitting this far away, back when his father liked him, but now he’s happy for it. His father can’t hit him across the table.

“I leave tomorrow.” He speaks out to the unusually quite table, “I leave for the garrison tomorrow.” His father doesn’t say anything, but he can feel the table get tense.

His father calmly cuts a piece of his food and takes a bite. He chews slowly, Lance starts squirming in his chair from the attention on him. His father swallows the food in his mouth before he speaks.

“Should we be happy for you?” He asks. Somewhere between the question and what happens next is blurry for Lance. His mom mumbles something and the other kids leave the table, his mom left too. His father is screaming. He's red in the face. Lance can see him yelling, but it’s like his head is underwater. He can’t hear the words, only the sounds.

At some point, a glass is thrown. At some point, Lance is pinned to the ground. He’s screaming back at his dad. It’s an argument he’s made time and time again. But it doesn’t work. It never did. He yells that he could change, that he could just love girls. He’s begging for his father to stop hitting him, for him to understand. He says he’s still his boy, he yells that he is still his son. But his father doesn’t see him as his son anymore, all he sees is some faggot going to an all-boys school. Lance blacks out.

Now Lance is standing in front of Iverson. He just failed a simulation because he was trying to show off. The teacher decided it would be easier to send him to Iverson than to deal with it himself.

He’s ten, and he’s in a country far from home, and he’s so scared that he’s going to be sent back. He can’t go home. He only just got away.

“McClain, take a seat.” Lance slowly walks to Iverson’s desk. Trying to calm his shaky hands by tapping his knees.

“Lance McClain, from Cuba, here on a scholarship. Signed up as a fighter pilot, was assigned to the class, but a new recruit earned a higher score and he was brought to the Cargo pilot class. Is all this true?” Lance didn’t know that he made it into the fighter pilot class at all, and he didn’t know that someone knocked him out of the class, but he nods his head anyways.

“You know you are here on a scholarship, correct? And that it can be taken away if you don’t have the grades to support the fact that you should be here, correct?” Lance nods again.

“Use your words, cadet”

“Yes, Sir,” Lance is terrified.

“This is a warning, you can’t fail simulations. You can’t fail simulations because you want to show off, do you understand?” Lance meekly calls out a ‘yes, sir’ in response, wanting nothing more than to leave the office.

“I’ll call your father to let him know-” but Iverson doesn’t finish his sentence.

“No!” Lance doesn’t want his father to be called. His father would be so mad. His hands shake at the thought of his father. His skin is bruise-free for the first time in a long time.

“Excuse me? What was that Cadet?” Lance feels like he might vomit, he’s scared.

“My father isn’t a good man. I can’t- Please, Please don’t call him.” Lance is begging, he knows it, but he wants nothing to do with his dad. He can’t lose this scholarship, his father can’t know he’s getting in trouble.

“If that’s all cadet, ‘Your father isn’t a good man,’ then I’m afraid I’ll still have to call him.” Lance never wanted to say anything about his father, because if his father found out he will get in so much trouble. But if it will get Iverson to not call, then he’ll talk. ‘Maybe Iverson could help him’ Lance briefly thought. Iverson was laying out bait, and Lance grabbed it ignoring all the warnings that were telling him it was a trap. He didn’t know any better.

“My father hits me and he beats me and he hates me.” Lance feels like he can’t breathe. But he keeps talking. “I don’t want to think about what he would do if you called. Please, please don’t call. I’ll do anything. Just please don’t call my father,” Lance is older now. He knows better than to show all his cards and give someone that kind of power over him. But he didn’t then. He was naïve.

Iverson nods his head, setting the phone down. But Lance only had a short burst of happiness before he heard the next word that slipped past his disgusting lips.

“Kneel.” He ordered. Lance felt his whole body freeze as he stared at Iverson.

“What?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“I want you to come over here, and kneel.” Lance felt his insides turn as he stared at him. He doesn’t like where this is going. He’s heard about things like this. But he’s ten. He started shaking his head, trying to leave the room, but Iverson knew what to say.

“Look, cadet, I don’t care if you keep your scholarship or not. But you do. If you want, I can take the scholarship away? I can call your father and let him know that you can no longer be taught at this school. Or you can be a good little boy and come here.” He phrases it like Lance has a choice, but the tone lets him know he doesn’t. He knows this is his only option. If he recognized that he went from a phone call home to potentially losing the entire scholarship, he doesn’t argue.

He takes a step towards Iverson, but he’s stopped again.

“Crawl, cadet.” Lance takes a deep shuddering breath before dropping to his knees, he slowly crawls over to Iverson. He knows he’s starting to cry. He wants to seem unbothered but he’s scared, he’s far from home. Iverson gets tired of waiting and grabs Lance by his hair and pulling him closer to his clothed crotch. He rubs himself once onto Lance’s face, before ordering him to unbutton his pants and pull out his dick. Iverson’s already hard and leaking, Lance can’t help but think he knew this was going to happen before he came into the room. That one way or another, he was going to end up on his knees in front of Iverson.

Lance puts the head into his mouth and tries his hardest not to immediately gag, he bobs his head a little, but he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing. Iverson grabs his face roughly, holding Lance in place and he starts to fuck his mouth. This time Lance can’t stop the gag. Tears pour down his face as his throat is abused.

Iverson groans, picking up speed. “Never knew how annoying you were till you were quiet, cadet. You sound so much better like this. You’re such a slut, aren’t you? This is all you’re good for cadet, just some fuck toy.” He keeps thrusting till he reaches his climax, he forces Lance all the way to his base, his nose pressed against pubes as he retches on the dick in his mouth, throat convulsing around Iverson as the cum shoots into his mouth. His head is released and he attempts to gasp for air, but Iverson places his hand over Lance’s mouth.

“I want you to swallow, cadet” He orders. Lance swallows, following the order, he knows better than to try and protest now. He throat feels raw and sore, his jaw hurts. He stands up, wiping at the tears on his face as Iverson stuffs his cock back into his pants. Lance reaches the door, he just wants to go to his room and cry, but Iverson’s voice stops him.

“I’ll see you Wednesday, cadet. Same time.” Lance feels the blood leave his face. The breath he only just got back into his lungs, leave his body.

“But, I thought this was done. I thought this was it. I thought I did this and we were done,” Lance can feel himself panicking. He can’t do that again. What if Iverson wants more from him? He can’t do that again.

“Same time, Wednesday” he voice is laced with finality. Lance nods his head quickly leaving the room as more tears find their way down his face.

Lance finds himself standing in front of Iverson again.

“You see lance, even with Keith gone. You’re still not good at the simulations. You’ve got good grades. But even those aren’t great. Your behavior is decent at best. All you will ever be is a cargo pilot.” He sneers, not caring that Lance’s eyes are welling up with unshed tears.

“But- I. I thought with Keith gone, I made rank. I thought... I thought I was going to be a fighter pilot?” He was next on the waiting list, with Keith gone, he should be the one to go. He doesn’t understand.

“Look, you just don’t cut it. You aren’t as good as Keith, you aren’t as good as the other cadets, cadet.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal like each word wasn’t just cutting into Lance and breaking him. But he knew. He wanted Lance to be broken. That’s when Lance was the easiest to control

“I understand, sir.” Lance goes to leave, but his voice stops me.

“I want you to ride me, Cadet.” Iverson has fucked Lance before, but telling Lance to ride Iverson wasn’t something he could do. Blow jobs can be one thing, getting screwed while he lay there was one thing. But being forced to do this was something else. He couldn’t. Lance didn’t want to.

“I can’t, I can’t. That’s too much. Please. _Please._ I can’t.” Lance is begging, he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t understand. Why couldn’t he just be good enough?

“Cadet, you know how this goes. I don’t care what you decide. I don’t care if you get into that class or not. I could give your spot to someone else?” Lance knows what he has to do. There isn’t an option here. He’s taking off his uniform before he's even ordered to do so. He knows his place.

The memories change quickly, all different occasions of meetings Lance had with Iverson. Riding him, riding other professors while Iverson watched, giving blowjobs to everyone who was in the room. When Lance got a little older he was given alcohol, was told it loosened him up. Made the fuck a little less pathetic.

The next memory Lance has, he’s sitting in Iverson’s lap, only partially dressed as he waits for Iverson to get hard again.

His hands run along Lance’s stomach and his thighs. He softly squeezes Lance’s thighs, gently messaging Lance’s legs.

“I should really thank Keith one of these days...” Iverson whispers into Lance’s ear and it takes all the strength he has not to vomit.

“Why?” Lance asks although he knows this isn’t an answer he wants to hear. Iverson will tell him anyway.

“If your father didn’t scare you so much, you wouldn’t have cared about me calling home. But you would have ended up here eventually. I know you like when people tell you that you did well and that you hate being in trouble. It might have taken longer, but you would have still come here because of Keith. Keith, you could never be Keith. He was the reason you tried to do a trick in the simulation that day wasn’t he?” Lance can feel the underlying message, but he can’t help but think Iverson isn't wrong.

If it wasn’t for his father he may not have given in as quickly, but Iverson still had Keith. Keith was a better pilot, every cared so much about what Keith was doing. There were kids who didn’t like Keith, but people looked up to him. Lance tried so hard to be better than Keith, or to at least be like Keith. Iverson has always used Keith to get Lance to do something he wanted. Deep down, Lance knew it wasn’t Keith’s fault. But he wanted to mad at someone and being mad at Iverson doesn’t do anything. Iverson doesn’t talk about Keith for much Longer, but that’s all Lance can hear. It’s all he can focus on. Iverson had planted the thought that if it wasn’t for Keith, he would’ve never gotten Lance to participate in these… meetings.

“Did you ever do anything like this with him?” Lance asks.

“No. He would’ve been a great challenge to conquer. Seeing him submit to me… But Shirogane was here and he would have never let anything happen to Keith, and once he died... I knew Keith would leave soon and I wouldn’t have had the chance. It’s different with you. You don’t have anyone who cares for you.” Lance opens his mouth to object, someone does care. He has Hunk, and his mama, and his siblings. His nana absolutely adores him. He had other friends too. People cared about him. They had too.

“If someone really cared McClain, you wouldn’t be in my office,” Iverson sneers and Lance freezes. Somebody must care...

“Now on your knees, McClain.”

Right?

His final memories go through other people he slept with, trying to distract himself from the pain. He sees himself crying in bathroom showers and while he’s cuddled up to Hunk. He sees himself lying about having a secret boyfriend, saying that his boyfriend didn’t care if he slept with others so he could try and dull the ache in his chest. Iverson didn’t care what Lance did as long as he still got laid. Lance watches as he spirals. He sees himself getting drunk while on Earth and at the Garrison, and he sees himself drinking alone in his room in Space. The mind meld closes off with Lance crying himself to sleep the night before their last battle.

————————

Lance hates that the others have seen him in such a vulnerable place, that they have seen all the stuff he went through. But he feels a weight lifted off his chest, it’s finally out there. He lays himself down against the castle floor, letting the cool seep into his clothes. He feels like he should be stressed about their reactions, but right now he can’t bring himself to care. He has Blue purring and calming him in the back of his mind. Right now, he feels okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback is welcomed.


	9. Take the weight off my shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some warnings still apply but it's not as severe as the last chapter.
> 
> I feel really bad for not posting but I went through so much these last couple of weeks, that I just wasn't in the mood to write. I had to get that motivation that I started with to come back. So for anyone waiting, sorry.

Lance feels drugged. 

He didn’t realize it at first, but he’s too calm for the situation he's currently in. His vision is blurred, making it difficult to focus on the other paladins. He can hear when they talk, he can tell they want his attention, but he can’t focus on them. He can feel blue in his mind, overwhelming all of his senses, she might be having more of an effect than he originally thought. 

Almost as soon as he thinks this, he feels Blue’s presence leave his head some, allowing him to have more control of himself. 

“Lance?” Hunk’s voice is the first that his foggy mind can make out.

Lance turns to him, his vision finally clearing.

“I’m so sorry,” Hunk cries out. Lance can see his lips wobble, he can see the guilt written on his form. From the way his shoulders are hunched, making him look small, to the way he won’t look Lance in the eyes for long.

“I should’ve noticed. I’m your best friend, it’s my job to notice these things. You were hurting and I didn’t try to help. I knew something was wrong, but I kept telling myself it was just problems with your boyfriend or school or missing home. I should’ve noticed it was serious. I’m so sorry.” Hunk’s tears are falling down his face, and Lance feels himself start to cry with his friend. It wouldn't have changed anything if he told, he knows this, but he starts to feel guilty for not trying harder.

“I could’ve done something if I just knew and tried harder and-” Lance grabs one of Hunk’s hands, he can feel them shaking, but he doesn’t say anything as he grips the hand tighter.

“I didn’t want anyone to know. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. It really isn’t your fault. I know you would do anything you could to help me. I know if I told you, you would have done everything you could and then some. And you did help, when I came to you crying, you held me and let me cry. When I didn’t want to leave my bed or eat, you made sure I showered and you brought me food. You kept me sane for so long, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” Hunk pulls Lance into his arms, holding him tightly. Lance doesn’t know which one of them the hug is supposed to help, but he finds himself relaxing into the arms like he’s done time and time again.

“You know it isn’t your fault, right Lance?” Hunk mummers. Lance doesn’t answer and it makes Hunk cry harder.

“Lance, none of this was your fault. I know you felt alone and that you felt like you had no other option. Iverson took advantage of you. He _manipulated_ you.” Lance looks up at Shiro, he can see the sincerity in his features. Lance finds himself moving towards Shiro, trying to use his presence to comfort Shiro the same way he had comforted Hunk.

“You might have agreed to what he asked you, or went along with it, but you were coerced. You weren’t old enough to consent, and you didn’t want to sleep with Iverson. This wasn’t your fault.” 

“You are strong, and you’ve gone through a lot, yet you still find a way to help others and help them feel better. We want to help you heal, so you don’t…” Shiro looks upset as he chokes on his words. Lance can feel himself crumble even more as he looks at Shiro. Shiro is the strong one, he tries so hard to be what’s best for the team. But no one knows how to handle a situation like this. He doesn't know what he needs to hear or what needs to be done to help himself, how should they?

“We don’t want you to get drunk all the time or do something stupid. We all care for you so much and we understand why it took time for you to open up to us. No one wants you to regret telling us or feel like a burden. None of us would have let that happen if we were there and if we knew,” Shiro finishes. Lance knows he might’ve put his hand on Lance’s shoulder if he wasn’t so nervous and wasn’t still on edge from his freak-out. But Shiro doesn't know how to make the first move, so Lance gives him a quick hug instead. He knows if he holds on for too long, he'll end up crying on Shiro.

“You don’t have to answer, but why didn’t you tell anyone?” Pidge asks. Lance can see that her demeanor screams kicked puppy, and that might be why he answers. Or it might be that he’s getting used to telling the truth. If there is a time to come clean with everything, the time is now.

“I felt like I didn’t have anyone. A student really couldn’t help and I was already made out to be a trouble maker. I didn’t know who would believe me. I did try once.” Lance knows that he needs to elaborate more, and this time he does without the others asking. 

“I knew if I told a teacher, and they didn’t believe me, Iverson would find out that I told and he would hurt me more. I knew if I was going to do something it had to be done right the first time. So I tried to get evidence…” Thinking about this story always make Lance feel sick, but he forces himself to keep talking.

“I brought a phone from home when I came to the Garrison. I tried to record what was happening, and since I couldn't trust the garrison issued ones, I tried to use mine. I couldn’t record a video of it happening because I would have to set the camera up, so I tried to get convincing audio. It… It took a couple times. I was so nervous I was going to be caught. If Iverson noticed I was recording I would be done for.” Lance remembers leaving Iverson’s office after one of the first attempts, he was shaking in fear at the thought that Iverson would notice that he was recorded. He was terrified of the trouble he would be in. It took him hours before the adrenaline ran out that night. 

“If I got it wrong, I wouldn’t get another chance. I was trying to decide what teacher I should tell, who should get the audio. It took weeks for me to even remotely get some courage. Iverson had me come into his office one night, and it was different this time.” Lance knows his legs are shaking, his whole body might be shaking. But he keeps talking, he's going to get it all out.

“There were others. He had three other teachers in the room. I thought maybe he had an actual meeting and maybe I got the date wrong or the time wrong. So I tried to come up with an excuse, but he said they knew. One of them said a comment about how I was trained. How I knew to cover up and lie for Iverson. They were praising me for keeping it a secret. He made me… He made me sleep with all of them. He kept bringing in others after that.” Lance can feel his nerves from that night filling his body again like he’s back in Iverson’s office thinking about how he's going to have to sleep with more people, people he didn't want to sleep with. People that were his teachers. People that he was supposed to be able to trust, and come to when he was in trouble. He felt so lost and alone that night. 

“I couldn’t trust any of the teachers after that. I didn’t know who would be like Iverson,” Lance holds himself tighter. He doesn’t want to cry anymore. He feels like that’s all he’s been doing. 

They all stay silent, letting the information settle. It's a lot to take in at once. Everything they thought they knew about Lance had changed. He's still a boy from Cuba. He can make them laugh and gets them to open up about their problems. He's able to distract them when their thoughts are becoming too much. But Lance isn't as immature as they thought. They realize he can be serious. They realize that they all had their difficulties, but so did Lance. He was stronger than they had realized, especially considering how broken he should be.

“When we get back to Earth, I will help you hide the bodies. If you don’t want to kill them, I gladly will.” Lance knows Keith is being serious, but he feels himself start to laugh.

“I’ll make a list, you can help me take them all out.”

“We can save Iverson for last, so he knows that it’s coming. Let him feel start to panic as he waits for us to show up,” Keith adds. If it was anyone else, or if it was any other circumstance, Lance would’ve thought it was a joke, but this is Keith and Keith is the type of person to follow through on a threat like this. And Lance wasn’t joking either. It's a small comment, but Lance knows that Iverson is done for when they get back. 

Lance knows that he’ll get through this. It’s going to take a while, and it will be a lot of work. He has to recover from what his father did, and he has to recover from Iverson. His past will always be a part of him, his story made him who he is, but he’ll learn to cope better. He'll heal. He’ll learn to deal with the events of the past. He’ll be okay. He has his family to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short because I really didn't know how to end the story, but I feel like it closes out well. I may come back and edit in the future, not sure. It might be fine the way it is. It might need a lot of editing. If you think it does or if something isn't realistic or if something should be elaborated on, I would be more than happy to edit it. Just let me know. I do have another story that I'm working on, not sure when I will start posting. I want to do what I did for this one, where it's mostly planned/ written before I post, I don't want to leave a half-written story incomplete. Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments, it always made me so excited and made me want to put the next chapter out sooner. Anyways, that's all for now.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> CherryBlossomTrees


End file.
